To get to the bottom of what's going on deeeeep down, sometimes we have to ask ourselves good deep questions.
Why am I mad? What am I really angry about? Why did that comment bother me? What is it I really want? If money wasn't a problem, what would I do?
These questions are not meant to get you to doubt yourself. They are meant to give you information about what's going on inside. This information is the real deal when it comes to communicating clearly.
Sometimes we fight with others for hours never once saying what's really bothering us. We fight about the way he treated you in front of your kids and why he did it and what he should have done and cultural differences and that he is your husband and you should obey........etc, etc, etc, when what you're really mad at is that he disrespected you and that you want it to stop. Never once in that 1 hour fight did you discuss the core of what you want to say:
I'm mad because you disrespected me. Please don't do that again. Here are two suggestions you can try next time instead.
Sometimes we go in circles around the real topic. Normally it's because we have not had practice asking ourselves with good questions. And that's all it is. Practice. Start asking yourself deep questions, eventually you'll figure out exactly what question you need to ask to get to the "juice" of what you need to know.